Last year for [the day after] Valentine’s Day I’d gotten a dozen roses from Mike when he came to visit for the weekend, back when he wasn’t living in the area yet. That three-day weekend ended when he left to go back home and I went back to work. Of course later on, my mom noticed that the dozen roses turned into just 10 roses and confronted me about it. I revealed that in my closet are the two missing roses hanging to dry, so I can keep them when the rest of the flowers will eventually get tossed. She even started giving me a mini-lecture on how those roses are from Mike, FOR me and not for anyone else,  not for anyone at my work, particularly male. How twisted did that just get?! Even after I proved that I was not as dumb as she thought I was, she continued to lecture me on what she thought I’d done? Goodness.

Though, after her mini-lecture, I thought hey, her idea isn’t too bad. I wouldn’t feel so bad sharing the flowers with others if it’ll make their day– say, for a little kid. I’d have no problem giving them a flower for them to enjoy. (I did split the 10 roses in half after all: half were in the dining room for my mom to enjoy and half in my bedroom for myself.)

So. Tonight is the year-mark of those two roses I still have on display in my bedroom. Two nights ago I’d temporarily removed them from their vase and put them down on my desk shelf to welcome this year’s roses. Ironically, “Vera Wang” miscounted and actually sent 10 roses instead of a full dozen. Anyway, I decided not to dry any more Valentine roses because I’ll just end up with dried-roses-clutter and lose track of them. I think the first ones are enough. My mom noticed they’re vase-less and wanted to make sure that I didn’t intend on throwing them out. Uh, duh? Hehe.

Happy Valentine’s Weekend, Mike.

Another sore is the recurring sore that happens in the back left tooth that sticks out to the side against my cheek. It’s not so bad with the bracket there but as the tooth adjusts, the end of the wire cuts a hole in my cheek. Happens once every so often. I always think it’s not going to happen after each adjustment because I wouldn’t feel anything poking me, but I’m usually wrong about that.

My car was acting funky this morning. The e-brake got stuck for a while, but I eventually got it working again. I debated on whether to borrow my mom’s car instead, but I went ahead and drove my own car. Not sure what was going on, but it seems to be okay now…

Today work was not so bad, because there was no work. So I left for lunch with several people from work, and then went home. I clocked in for a total of 3 hours.

So Ray help me with an oil change. The problem was once again the blessed oil filter. The oil filter wrench Mike bought for me didn’t fit. It’s the size that others have said worked for them! I don’t understannnnnd! And then I ran over the oil pan. Oops. -_-

Bah. I don’t usually do a recap of my day, but there you have it. A recap of my day.

I’ve mentioned in my Overdue post that everything started going right for me. Really! Even some friends pointed out that several good things happened right around the same time, within just days of each other.

I read today that over 71,400 jobs lost just today. CNN tells us that “More than 200,000 job cuts have been announced so far this year, according to company reports. Nearly 2.6 million jobs were lost over 2008, the highest yearly job-loss total since 1945.” That’s just the big companies announcing their losses. There are many other companies letting people go and cutting people’s hours/pay. It’s sad to think how people are begging to get a pay cut so they can keep their jobs. Things could only get worse, right? Especially with this economy that everyone’s using as a reason to why this and why that? Nope. I don’t understand my stroke of luck. I’m having a good time rowing around while everyone is treading to keep their heads above water.

In fact, I may be a threat. I have a feeling people think I’m going to hold them underwater.

I’m grateful, yes. However I’m not so enthusiastic? What’s wrong with me?

It’s not like every company is well off these days, and certainly not my company that I work for. It amazes me how people don’t realize their expenses are ridiculous. In the beginning of December, I (along with people with desks/cubicles) was handed an Office Depot catalog to choose a calendar from for my desk. Uh buh? Okay, I decided to take a peek and see what others chose to get an idea of what’s an average cost of what people are ordering for a stinking calendar. I was the third person to look it over, and I saw that the previous two had chosen fun monthly wall calendars for about $12 or $15 a piece. WHAT THE FARK! Multiply that by however many people with desks? Holy crap, that’s at least several hundreds of dollars for CALENDARS! Plus, they order big wall calendars for the conference room and such displays (which is understandable), but I doubt most people even use their wall calendars for productive things. They’ll put things like “Jennifer’s Birthday!!” or “Dentist appt.” Okay, so maybe it’s not my business to say what’s useful on people’s calendars or not, but I think it’d be safe to say that they stare at their computer screens enough to utilize a soft calendar. How about checking the computer calendar or use some kind of calendar program such as Google Calendar, which I use dearly to remind me of “Jennifer’s Birthday!!” or “dentist appt.”? If not, print out your monthly wall calendars! You’ll just use up some ink and 12 sheets of paper, or if you’re good, 6 sheets of paper. I don’t know. It’s just that too many people buy things that are used unwisely. Calendars, trash bags, Swiffers, disposable plates/cups/utensils.

I took advantage of the offer anyway, since it’s company money and not mine. I bought something I think is more useful than a wall calendar for my cubicle: a weekly planner. Pfft, I haven’t even used it because all this time I’ve been using Google Calendar. Oh well. It’s not my $15.

What are other books that I can enjoy? I like considering people’s suggestions, as in a Top 10 list or such.

I have no confidence anymore. This is especially true when another person says, or rather states, something that I have a feeling is wrong but I assure myself that they’re right and I’m wrong. It happens A LOT, with friends/family and at work. Sure it’s easy to tell me to not second guess myself, but hell, I just think it’s always that [slim, haha] chance that I’m wrong.

You know that feeling when you KNOW you’re right? I used to be absolutely SURE that I was right, and yes, usually that was the case. Don’t mean to brag, but that’s just the way I was. I had reasons and a reliable, vivid memory. I actually still have those, but I lost the confidence.

I’m trying to think of why that might be. I think part of the reason came from academics. It probably affected me when others who I think highly of have come up with an answer when I couldn’t, on many occasions.  And part of me just went along with it, that I just didn’t know or didn’t know how. It goes for other things too, like cooking. I was never REALLY taught on how to cook, but I’ve watched several demonstrations at home, on TV, etc. I have ideas on how to do things. I even cooked, tried, or experimented at least once a week (that’s the way our cooking responsiblities were) when I was away for college. I admit my vegetable chopping skills and knowledge on spices may be subpar, but I …can cook. When others ask me if I can, I just say no to keep it simple, and I continue to play on that. No, I don’t know how to cook. What I mean is no, I don’t know how to prepare a dazzling meal to impress you, but I can whip up something that doesn’t involve the microwave or ramen to feed myself.

Another thing that I realize that even if you’re SURE you’re right, you may be wrong. I have these twin friends, and more than several times they’ve argued on something trivial, both claiming they were SURE they were right and the other was wrong. I honestly don’t remember instances finding out who was right or wrong, but I do remember the times they were so SURE like I was. It was usually relying on their memories, and well, one of them would have to be wrong. It happens.

So I’ve learned that if you are confident and sound convincing like you know what you’re talking about, I’ll second guess myself for sure. Within minutes, it happened at least twice last night when I ate dinner with Mike. The restaurant was playing some Brian McKnight song, and I knew it was him because of his voice and music, though I did not know of the song. I guess not knowing of the song served as my weakness when Mike mentioned that he remembered how girls would go crazy for Jordan Knight. Automatically I doubted myself and considered that I was wrong and that may be Jordan Knight singing. He then said that he also remembered girls would count along in his song. Counting song? That I knew, “Back at One” by Brian McKnight. That was my first realization for the night that I had to be more confident in myself. The second one happened when the waitress asked Mike what dessert he wanted, and proceeded to list the choices: jello, vanilla ice cream, or raspberry sorbet. To make things fair, she did have an accent. Mike responded he’d like to try the shortcake. There I went again, I thought I heard “sorbet” but I must’ve been wrong and the waitress really said “shortcake.” No, the waitress was confused and clarified the “sorbet.” Dang. I should stop it.

Yup. So there you have it. Part of me definitely wrinkled away, and I’m no longer SURE of myself.

Screw deep thoughts. Plain and simple, I need to change myself majorly.

It’s gotten worse over the years. At least I’m not troubled and doing morally wrong things. It’s just that I’ve grown awkward, anti-social, self-conscious, timid, and cynical. Not that I wasn’t all those before, but I feel I’m approaching all those involuntarily, and like I said, it’s just getting worse.

I’ve discovered that worry a lot and fear people. It’s even affected my performance in communicating with others. Humans do think/process/register things much faster than talking, but for some reason I let that get in my way in communicating. Most of the time I assume that if I know something, then the other person/people would know just as well, so my explanations are not effective. Also, I’ve grown almost obsessed in getting to-the-point and would just like and give the final conclusion. If anything is in-progress, I’d say something to the effect of “I don’t know” (to-the-point) which just makes me sound incompetent when really I meant “I don’t know just yet so please allow me some extra time and I’ll have it figured out.” Seriously, I need to learn how to slow down and communicate well.

I finished my first hat just this past weekend! Not that great, but it’s a hat! I’m lagging with the photos. Kind of not what I expected when I finally bought a new camera. Oh well.

Gotta get going with my glass/mirror etching projects. Never know when I won’t have access to the chemicals. With that said, I gotta look for a new job. It’s nearing the end of the year, so I don’t know if this is the time to switch out. Look, yes. Switch, probably not. I’d like to get through the holidays and all that fun stuff and make it to the beginning of the new year. Besides, I’m a trooper, and it builds character… harharhar. Gotta love Calvin and Hobbes.

A while ago I thought I was very tight with money. Turns out I won’t be, and I can relax a bit. I did a somewhat stupid thing and stashed most of my money into CDs so they’d safely collect interest. My mistake in forgetting to account for play money. I started looking into Scottrade, but that’s about it, and I don’t think I’ll really get started until the new year anyway. Silly reason really. I don’t want to deal with the taxes associated with it on short notice. Yeah, what the fark?